An Open Letter to our Fathers – Happy Fathers’ Day
As days drew nearer to this Sunday, which is “Father’s Day”, my mind kept going back to the word “Abba”, the Hebrew word for “Father” which means “to be deeply and profoundly caring”. No wonder Christ, in the prayer that He taught us, referred to God as “Abba”— the profoundly caring one. The implication of this is very profound; you do not have to be a biological father to be a father to someone.
Therefore, on this “Father’s Day”, we congratulate all fathers who by their profound care and presence have been fathers to us, and say, well done and thank you for being a father that is present, that cares, that nurtures, that protects, that provides, that models, that encourages, that understands; a pillar of strength, support and discipline in our lives. Thank you for hanging in there to make sure we turn out right; that we become what we are meant to be; that we grow up into decent human beings, with sensitivity toward others, appreciation for our lives, and a sense of responsibility and dignity for the human family. Thank you, dads, for being “dad”. We know that your work is endless and, many-a-time, thankless. But please know that it is worth it, no matter what, for, in the end, your work shows up in how we turn out.
And to all our dads, who, by their own challenges in life, have had difficulties being there for us, we want you to know that we care about you and that we pray for you that the good Lord will turn things around so that we can appreciate you as a dad; so that we can have what we, in a positive sense, envy in others.
For our dads who have gone back to the Lord, may they rest in eternal peace, Amen!
Dads, we know that God equipped you guys with what it takes to prepare us to deal with life, and you always seem to have a more realistic assessment of how we will turn out in the future.
We also know that when you guys are fully involved in our lives, providing authoritative discipline, mentoring, monitoring our behaviors, proving lifeskills and spiritual guidance, we are less likely to fall into behavioral problems or derail from our aspirations or fall into the abuse of substances. We also know that when you are fully present and involved, we are much more likely to do better at school, to engage life with the right disposition and attitude, and to do right by the law.
With these in mind, here is what we would like to say to you:
Dad, always love us but never let us get away with murder. Be strong and firm in disapproving of our misdeeds and when necessary, use tough love. Your authority is God-given and when used right, you turn us into better human beings. Even if we don’t understand now, we will understand later. We are looking up to you to show us the right path. We don’t need you to be our buddy; we have many at school and at work. We need you to be “dad”; firm, resilient, open-minded, and compassionate. When you need to, please put your foot down whether we like it or not. You are “dad”.
On the other hand, dad, please understand that we are humans too and we make mistakes. Sometimes it is better for us to make mistakes so that we can learn but never allow us to fall into repeated mistakes and irresponsibility.
Dad, be open-minded because times, people, and tastes do change over time. How you were raised may not work in today’s environment. So don’t expect us to always live the same kind of life that you had or do the same kind of work that you do. As long as we are not on the path of self-destruction or doing things that will hurt the family, please listen to what we have to say; to our values, to our aspirations, to our opinions and insight.
Dad, we like it when you help us to appreciate things; when you do not let us take what we have for granted; when you help us see the value in what we have and be grateful for it; when you help us pick up responsibilities earlier on in life. We don’t like it when you let us treat you like an ATM, or when you buy and give us things just to keep us away from bordering you. We really like your company, dad.
You may not know this, but we are thrilled when we spend quality time with you; when we can have fun together; when you just sit to listen to us, to tell us stories about our family origins; when you help us out with our homework; and, especially, when you take time to know what is going on with our lives. I want you to know the name of my teachers; to actually meet them and to know what is going on with me at school.
Dad, you are best at our game when you lead us by example; when you don’t just say it, but you also do it; when you show your love for mum in front of us, when you stand firm and at the same time listen and reason with us; when we see you living out the values you try to teach us; when you are working hard to make sure we have a relationship with God. Thanks for being a model for us to follow. We learn and believe more from what we see than from what we hear.
Thank you dad for your loyalty and support, and for being our safety net! It is so reassuring for us when we can come to you when things go wrong. We love it when you challenge us to become the best we can be; when you are there to support the things that we would like to become in life.
It is important to us, dad, that you be our first stop when it comes to encouragement. Your words matter a lot to us. Let them be life-giving and challenging, inspiring and encouraging, comforting, and uplifting.
Dad, we are really grateful that you are willing to do whatever it takes to provide for us; to keep us safe, secure, and out of harm’s way. We know that you will put your own life on the line to make sure we are protected. Thanks for always being there, no matter what.
Above all, dad, please keep loving us; even when you are upset with us, or we are upset with you, or we don’t measure up to your expectations, or we disagree with you, keep loving us. We need you, dad, no matter what; just be there for us and never let go of us in your life.
To our society, we want to say that appreciating the value of fatherhood must go hand in hand with working and campaigning to remove all systemic challenges that make it difficult for fathers to play their role as fathers. Education, mental health, jobs, and upward mobility are all factors that impact on fatherhood. We cannot detract from the role of a father, or hold in place structures that detract from the ability to play that role, without detracting from the future of our children. To be truly pro-child is to be actively pro-father. Happy “Father’s Day” to all you fathers!
